Thoughts on Quarantine... and Sourdough (of course)

Sourdough starter - often thought of as an intimidating, difficult-to-control baking project to take on only when you can dedicate your full attention and all your time (and flour) to it. For me, though, it’s the least intimidating, most controllable, and most comforting thing around me right now. Several times, I've tiptoed on the edge of tears in moments following pure joy spent with my family, or breathing in fresh air outside. Life and emotions - both of which belong to me - seem unpredictable and uncontrollable right now. 

I had two promising job opportunities for which the final interviews were being scheduled the week before the coronavirus plagued the U.S. I had just started a relationship, the first one I’ve truly believed in since… well, it’s been a long time. I was finally settling into life in this new-ish-to-me state of Minnesota after the cold winter snow had melted, restaurant patios were gearing up for their Spring openings and my list of places to visit and things to do and explore was growing in pages by the day. For the first time in - wow - almost 2 years, I felt genuinely happy and excited for what was to come. And in (what feels like) an instant, those job opportunities closed like the doors to my favorite coffee shops. Suddenly, I didn’t know when I’d see my guy again and we were forced to jump into long-distance and the whole deeper side of a relationship that involves talking about feelings, family struggles, job losses, and loneliness within 3 weeks. And my list? Pointless because restaurants and bars (which constituted most of the list) and popular parks had closed. 

Everything, upside down and inside out and… closed and restricted. Stay home, reduce contact, refrain from frequent grocery store trips (which used to be my Monday-Friday hobby and part of what makes blogging and cooking/baking such a passion). So, what can I control? What can I lean on for joy, comfort, reassurance?

Even though many, many parts of life feel terrifying, there are parts that haven’t caught COVID-19. For me, that’s my sourdough starter. It’s always there for me, tucked away cozy on my kitchen counter, needing nothing more than a small and simple meal and gentle stir once a day, always bubbling with recipe opportunities - Pretzels! Bagels! Biscuits! Cinnamon rolls! Each one brings me joy and comfort throughout the entire process, from imagining to levain-ing to rising to to eating. 

Each one teaches me patience and trust in the slow passing of time - the arts that must be mastered in the sourdough process. Just because my loaves, English muffins, and pretzels haven’t flopped (yet) doesn’t mean I’ve nailed the patiently waiting and trusting part, though. Like Brené Brown says, “Trust is built in the small moments.” With each recipe and each proof within the recipe, the dough rises over a period of 4-8 hours, much longer than what’s required for yeast-risen doughs. The loaves, muffins, and pretzels are made with slightly different doughs and consequently show slightly different signs of rising. Patience is built in the waiting, and trust is strengthened in the small risings.

This quarantine makes time pass more slowly than ever, and demands of me my patience and trust as each day brings a new set of updates, changes, restrictions, cases, and sadly, deaths. I’m challenged in every way - some make me feel tall and confident, while others leave me feeling small and powerless. Some make me feel like I do when my dough has risen properly and doubled in size, and others leave me feeling as flat and useless as an unfed sourdough starter.

In the former moments, I embrace the joy, confidence, and faith. In the latter moments, I lean on long walks with deep breaths of fresh air, family dinners and movie nights, time in the kitchen, and my sourdough starter. Though I can’t plan any events in my calendar or create a work schedule each week, and I can’t look forward to a happy hour at a new restaurant on the patio or take my time strolling through the produce section perusing my dinner options, here’s what I can do: I can hug my loved ones (the ones in my home, at least), I can move my body in ways that feel good, I can stand in the kitchen all day with my apron tied around my waist, and I can look forward to another process of imagining, leavein-ing, rising, and eating, where I savor simple, homemade joy and comfort.

Photo by Karly Ann Johnson.

Little Things (gratitude amidst a pandemic)

This is a challenging, scary, stressful, and anxious time for the individual, the family, the community, the state, the country, and the world. We are desperately in need of so many things - medical equipment, good leadership, answers, loved ones, and more. At the same time, much of the current situation is out of your control and mine. Other than practicing social distancing, staying at home, washing our hands, and staying educated, we can’t do much else to regain our old sense of normalcy.

Next to a long list of can’t-control things stands one can-control with incredible comforting and healing powers: and that’s gratitude. Make it a daily practice, as often as washing your hands, to feel it transform your days. Here’s my gratitude list. Yeah, it’s a lot of quarantine things, probably similar to how yours looks. That’s life right now.

Home-cooked, comfort-food meals

Within a matter of days, Mom, Dad, and I acquired three more bodies in our house, now that my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew (!!!) rushed their move-in date from late May of this year to late March. So instead of cooking for three and boxing up leftovers after dinner, I’m multiplying ingredients and recipes and we’re all cleaning our plates at the end of the meal. I certainly do not mind two additional, appreciative, and very hungry taste-testers (my nephew sticks mostly to breast-milk) at the table!

The photo above is one of a big batch of homemade ham and spinach mac and cheese - a dish Dad and I normally reserve for the days following Christmas and Easter, when we have 3/4 of a giant ham consuming most of our fridge space. But, since the days are blending together and we’re cooking at home more than ever before, we decided not to wait for the post-holiday-days. This is a recipe based off a basic one from 365 Ways to Cook Pasta - I spiced it up a little bit and will be sharing the recipe here later this week!

Speaking of cheesy crowd-pleasing meals - enchiladas! I always underestimate this dish. In my opinion, restaurant, store-bought, and take-out versions always seem mushy with refried beans and overstuffed with rice, an unnecessary addition. Making a pan of enchiladas at home is my favorite way to make them, and no, I’m not biased. I just know what I like. When I’m feeling like it, I’ll roll them up and snuggle one stuffed tortilla next to another, but lately, I’ve been loving - and my taste-testers strongly agree with me - layers of tortilla, chicken, veggies, cheese, beans, and sauce.

Like the mac and cheese, my version of this classic crowd-pleasing comfort food will be on the blog in the coming week or two. The only question remaining is: rolls or layers??

Baking (mainly the Comfort Cookies)

In a baking mood (like 90% of my life) one Monday afternoon, I dug through the pantry to find my go-to cookie ingredients: turbinado sugar, whole-wheat pastry flour, and big dark chocolate chunks. For the first time in a long time, our pantry contained not a single one of those ingredients. Instead, we had all-purpose flour, brown sugar, and - my least favorite - miniature milk chocolate chips. I could’ve surrendered, walked away from the pantry and brushed the little baking fairy off my shoulder on that Monday afternoon. As you probably guess, I did not surrender - I walked right into that pantry with the baking fairy on my shoulder encouraging me to make do with what we had on hand.

And I’m darn glad I did that because look what I - no, we - have been rewarded with! Crispy-edged, gooey-centered chocolate chip (both milk and dark) cookies. I shall call them “comfort cookies”, a name that seems most fitting these days.

Get the recipe here!

My people

So many of my friends and peers are living alone right now because that was their situation before the pandemic, or because they just don’t want to go home to their older parents and put them at a high risk of infection. I feel so lucky in my situation, having been at home with my parents for almost six months now, in the suburbs (far from Minnesota’s main metropolitan area), and at a relatively low risk. Though I sometimes go a little stir-crazy and feel desperately in need of both alone time and interaction with young adults - an age group I haven’t seen or spoken to in almost two months now - I’m incredibly thankful that I can physically hold my loved ones close in this season of life.

Also, I’m an AUNT! Pictured above are Grandma and Grandpa Hansen holding sweet little baby Judah before we put him to bed. He gives light to our cloudiest days, and I love him more than I thought was possible.

Small gestures with big impacts

Period information is not - and should not be - TMI for anyone, so here goes. My symptoms have been borderline unbearable on the first day of my period, and last Saturday, they hit me like a freight train - cramps, nausea, fatigue, and lower back pain took up most of my energy that day. At least I was locked inside by rain and stay-at-home orders! To ease the pain and discomfort, I kept a bottle of Midol nearby (and followed the dosage instructions - don’t worry) and a muscle-relaxing heat pad on my lower abdomen most of the day.

Thennnnnn… wait for it…

I got a sweet text from my guy telling me to check my doorstep for a little package he’d dropped off: our first picture picture together-ish (our hands, at least), my favorite candy that I rarely buy for myself, and not just one, but TWO bottles of my favorite wine from San Luis Obispo! He’s officially a keeper. Thanks Brandon :)

Anyone else feel like they might head straight for the Olympic speed-walking team when all this is over? Just me? Cool.

Well, my daily walks bring me buckets of joy, and seeing the sidewalk-chalk artwork by the kiddos in my neighborhood multiplies those buckets by ten. Whether their parents prompt these uplifting notes, I don’t know and I don’t care, because they’re adorable and encouraging. Childlike joy and hope, I believe, can fill some of our heart’s deepest needs right now.

Reading

Things I read: the newspaper, online news articles, the NYT Food column, Bon Appetit’s Highly Recommend and anything by Carla Lalli Music, mine and my dad’s writing (proof-reading), and a few books I always keep on my nightstand. These days, I need a break from the news, and I rely on the few books on my nightstand to bring me out of a news-rut. I just finished Harry Potter, book #1, and I’m waiting for book #2 to arrive, which probably won’t be until the pandemic subsides. Until then, I’m seeking out a light-hearted read - any recommendations? Comment below!

Spending time in the sun

Spring is spring-ing! And it’s doing so right at the time we Minnesotans need it most. The sunshine does, however, make staying home and away from popular lakes and gathering a little difficult, BUT it’s necessary and the sooner we start distancing and staying home, the sooner we can get back out there. Thankfully, staying home doesn’t mean staying indoors at all times. We like to make use of the deck in our backyard and the porch in our front yard on sunny days like this one. With a big snack plate on the table and a drink in hand for each of us, we perch ourselves on the porch for as long as the sun shines. I used to take this for granted and preferred happy hours at on a restaurant or brewery patio, but now, without those options, this is like a little slice of heaven.

My go-to cocktail lately: a glass of kombucha with a shot of vodka, stirred not shaken (do not shake kombucha).

Your turn! Tell me - what are you grateful for right now?

Thanks for reading! I hope this post brought some light to what may be some dark days for you. More importantly, I hope you’re encouraged to cultivate gratitude in your everyday life. I promise you - a daily gratitude practice makes such a difference.